Kind Mind

 What does it mean to suffer as a human being? I have two mindfulness tips that can help align your focus with kindness.

In order to get to my point about kindness that arises naturally from the mind, I'll need to explain a bit about suffering. The first, most important aspect is that it’s unavoidable. It’s part of existence as a human being. The second is that suffering should be acknowledged as such, part of living. Problems are invited in when we don’t recognize suffering as part of living and see it as part of us. 

Pain and suffering are not signs of being defective or being in some way wrong or shameful.

Have you ever wondered how something painful came around, and found yourself looking for a cause in order to assign blame to your suffering? This is a normal way to react to pain. We don’t like to suffer, and our amazing minds can do all sorts of things to soothe our pains. Living hurts. If we bump our elbow in just the wrong spot, it hurts. If we break a bone, it hurts. Grieving and loss hurts. Difficulty connecting and relating to others hurts.

Even if we do everything “right” all of our lives...there’s going to be some pain.  

Sometimes if we struggle with pain and in trying to get rid of it, all sorts of other emotions can get layered on top. Spending lots of time trying to cover up or deny our pains and struggles is where our suffering can get in the way of having a clear mind to deal with what’s going on in our lives. Avoiding the truth of suffering causes even more discomfort. 

So, how can we find some relief?

The first step is to acknowledge what is happening in this moment. Be willing to feel the pain that is here, accept it as is, and let it move through you. This may come in the way of meditation, mindfulness practices, it can be self guided or enlist the help of counseling or therapy. There are many ways to practice, but the idea boils down to this: Don’t get caught up in the emotions and details. Don’t deny any part of it, try to be curious and direct in the experience of your pain. Uncomfortable, yes. I look at it like the preschool anthem “Bear Hunt” where you can’t go around it...you can’t go over it...you can’t go under it...you have to go through it. Breathe and proceed.

When we bring our attention to the present moment, we can tune in to direct experience AND natural wisdom. 

That’s the second step. Recognizing your natural wisdom takes slowing down and letting go of the layers of emotions around the pain, doing some self reflection to see how we really are. This is an important detail to note- our natural wisdom is there even if you don’t see it right away. It can be a frustrating pursuit. It is worth the difficulty, because natural wisdom brings about compassion and healing. The truth of our pain and suffering can be covered up by habits and clinging to safe feelings. All of this can feel overwhelming, but we must develop confidence in our potential for wisdom and compassion even though we suffer. 

When you bring awareness and kindness to your own experience of pain and suffering it can bring clarity to those areas. It will always exist as part of being human, but acknowledging it, and moving through it with wisdom and compassion can help. Getting stuck in patterns of suffering can perpetuate that pain long into the future. Our natural wisdom says that with kindness and compassion we can develop skills to make use of our pain by acknowledging what is happening and becoming less overwhelmed by emotions, attachment and blame, or the implications on our future. 

Pain is not you, it's part of what it is to be human. You have all that you need within you right now to move through difficult times with grace and love. Sit with the truth and breathe. You are fearfully and wonderfully made, painful parts included.