Today I'm tired. My body and my brain are not too happy with this project at the moment. There is stuff to do, the day is moving forward, my feelings about where I am physically or mentally won't slow down time. Those feelings can slow down my progress though. They cause trouble for me often. I'm not sure who said this, I think it's just an old proverb but I saw it on a blog that I like the other day. ( In Over Your Head - Julien Smith)
Emotions are good advisors but bad kings.
This is what emotion is telling me to do: online shopping. It is a simple cycle of habit, and today it is really screaming and pouting and throwing a fit. Here's how habits work.
Cue -> Routine -> Reward
Cue -> tired, uninspired, needing external motivation
Routine -> online shopping/ browsing
Reward -> looking at stuff I want, thinking about stuff I want
While I was thinking about this cycle I remembered something similar that I would do as a kid. I didn't have the internet but I had catalogs. I remember pretending that I had a wish and that I could choose anything and as much as I wanted from the catalog. I would spend hours in this fantasy. Browsing, pondering, changing my mind...selecting just the right thing.
Cue -> sad, lonely, no resources to get the "stuff" I wanted
Routine -> escape to an elaborate fantasy of getting that "stuff"
Reward -> unrealistic perception that the wanting/having that "stuff" would make me feel not lonely or sad
Part of this project is getting rid of or saying no to 1000 things. I've been chipping away at that and I'm writing a list of what I let go of and how I felt about it. This is very difficult for me. I've been attaching that emotional stuff to my "stuff" for a long time. I know it is much more than letting go of things that aren't serving my purpose at the moment...it is not looking to that to make me FEEL in the first place.
The first step to breaking a bad habit is recognizing it for what it is. Next is belief. I believe there is a better way than wanting "stuff". I believe real is better than fantasy.
I've got to think that advertising, especially television, plays a big part in our not being happy with what we have. Sure buying stuff makes the wheels of the economy turn, but at what price? Wait, there is a pill we can BUY that can make us feel happy. We don't need to find happiness ourselves.
ReplyDeleteAbove was John Moore (myself)- still figuring this out :)
Delete