Go Through the Gate

On Sun Salutation #4

Down dog right hip opened or I'm not quite sure the exact spot but my spine immediately opened it was arching up to meet the source and pouring into the back of my skull...

"It is like steel poured into my spine."

I know this feeling, it is now an experience. I will honor it. My center is open. My limbs expand from it, supple and integrated.

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This is a journal entry from September two years ago.

I heard someone say that steel spine quote about their determination. It has continued to resonate with me and bubble up, this time in a powerful physical sensation. Every once in a while I go back to my journals and read where I was and it helps give me direction. I would never, ever have remembered this fantastic moment if I didn't use this practice as research. Often it is to measure, see what is working or not working, documenting many experiences with trial and error. This way of learning works for me. I am much farther along in understanding and have grown measurably in my practice since I stopped seeking out others for truth and looked for it inside myself. I do believe in having teachers and mentors and seeking out the experiences of others for guidance. When I wanted the truth of others to work for me I developed a distrust with myself. I didn't understand why the things that were supposed to work to make me feel my body...to feel connected and whole didn't work. It made me feel broken. I spent a long time searching for answers and still felt confused. I had to find answers of my own in order to trust myself. When I open myself to what is already alive and powerful inside me I am connected in a way that I never would experience had I not been brave enough to look. Brave enough to open the gate.
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"Going through the gate, you enter the house and meet the host. Learning is the gate to attainment of the Way. Therefore learning is the gate, not the house. When you see the gate, do not think it is the house. You have to go through the gate to get to the house, which is inside, behind it."     -Miyamoto Musashi     The Killing Sword