She is so brave. Here's the thing- and I told her this- I'm still afraid.
I train in a mostly male environment. This is somewhat by choice, but really because there aren't very many women training Jiu-jitsu. Seeing a female black belt in BJJ is like seeing a unicorn. That's changing but it's still by far a male dominated environment. Here is the problem with that: when a women wants to get better at defending herself, my top suggestion would be to train regularly in BJJ. If you want to learn self defense, you need to be willing to train with men. If you find the right place, they respect you, they get what you are trying to do. They want to help you, not hurt you. But- that doesn't mean it won't hurt.
Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu is hard. And close. And super uncomfortable.
What do you think a situation that calls for self defense will be like?
I don't like it. I don't like getting smashed and choked. But I trust my training partners, I found the right gym where I feel safe. I know that if it gets to be too much I can tap. I'm not some pain freak that likes it. I don't like it. But I do understand the benefits.
It makes my body strong. Stronger than any fitness endeavor I've tried. In grappling you use all of your body all of the time. I'm sore after every single training and I've been training consistently for almost 2 years. If there are parts of me that are weaker they will be made stronger just by the nature of the training.
It makes my mind strong. Because there is so much discomfort involved, I have to convince myself to do it. I have to be disciplined enough to keep showing up. That is winning battle number one. I panic when I'm physically overwhelmed. Twice in competition I've panic tapped and given up a match because I got overwhelmed and didn't know what to do. As humans we instinctively move away from pain and towards pleasure. Away from discomfort and towards comfort. Too much of that and I become weak. Physically and mentally. If you want to learn self defense you have to be willing to get uncomfortable. No way around it.
There's no tap out in self defense. But if my body and mind are at least exposed to the sensations of harder, closer and super uncomfortable I'll have a chance. I'll have some tools. I'll have the element of surprise in my favor. I won't be targeted as an easy victim just because of confidence and the way I carry myself.
Even though it looked like brave to her, I still have plenty of my own fears to fight.
But if you can just be brave enough to look at the truth, see what it takes and show up, and show up and keep showing up, you will be stronger. And that strength isn't just for self defense, it translates to stronger in your whole life. Strong feels good.
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